Issue Collection

Post the issues you've had and their effects here, so other people have more control over the direction their nation will head.

Warning: Massive Spoiler Alert Ahead

Italics indicates the choice I chose.

The Issue

Several major city streets were clogged with bicycles this morning, as the environmental group 'Two Wheels Good, Four Wheels Bad' staged a protest. Several hundred riders ambled through downtown streets, blissfully ignoring the torrent of abuse hurled at them by thousands of motorists running late for work.

The Debate

1. "People are sick of dirty, smelly automobiles," said protest organizer Roger Jefferson. "They're choking the city, the environment--our lives! Cars must be banned!"

2. "The only thing people are sick of is long-haired idiots riding their bicycles at two miles an hour on major thoroughfares," says committed motorist Al Clinton. "People shouldn't be able to protest like this. The government needs to crack down on them."

3. The Automotive Manufacturers Association, meanwhile, has called for government support. "It's clear that we need to boost the level of automobile support in this country. This protest this morning is a clear indication of... um... anyway, we need more government funds."

Bicycles are now banned from major roads.

The Issue

In a bid to provide a new revenue stream for Aerinon's Beef-Based Agriculture industry, it has been suggested that red pandas could be added to the menu.

The Debate

1. "The fact is, the red panda population is out of control," says Beef-Based Agriculture spokesperson Pete Li. "We have to do something about them anyway, so why not market them as tasty snacks? We could have red panda kebabs, red panda pies, red panda-on-a-sticks--the possibilities are endless! Let's not pass up this golden opportunity to provide a feast, if you will, for our economy."

2. "I agree that something needs to be done about red panda over-population," says random passer-by Tobias Broadside, "but eating them? That's kind of gross. Let's just shoot the ones we have to and shovel their bodies into ditches like normal."

3. "I am shocked and appalled!" declared SPCA President Anne-Marie Hamilton. "If anyone needs to be culled, it's us humans. The red pandas were here first, remember? We need to take this as a sign to get our industry--agriculture in particular--to back off. The red panda is part of what makes Aerinon a great nation!"


The red panda is now a protected species.

The Issue

Several animal rights groups have protested the continuing use of fur as a material for clothing.

The Debate

1. "This is an outrage!" cries Klaus Broadside, president of the Be Nice To Animals society. "The manufacture of fur apparel is unethical, cruel, and disgusting! People just don't seem to realise that millions of animals die each year in fur farms, crammed into tiny cages and suffering the most terrible treatment just so someone can look appealing and rich! This is a sick practice and must be stopped! The same can go for leather shoes and snakeskin belts too."

2. "You can't mean that, surely?" snorts Buffy Frederickson, adjusting his hat, made from real red panda hide. "It's the people's choice what they wear. I don't think it's fair that the majority of the public should be deprived of fur clothes because some people are a bit queasy. In fact, if the government would allow us to stock rarer animals, we could produce even finer products. In the end, it's up to the consumer, don't you think?"


The wearing and manufacture of fur apparel is banned.

The Issue

Nicholas Condor, a prominent Bigtopian activist and soapbox orator, caused quite a stir last week when he publicly called for the complete extermination of the people of Aerinon, accusing fellow citizens of being 'sub-human', 'immoral', and 'really ugly too'. Citizens Against Intolerance, a pressure group aiming to reduce social inequality, has demanded that the government put more resources into combating hate speech. Coincidentally, another society, also called Citizens Against Intolerance, has stood up for Mr Condor, claiming that inhibiting his speeches would be a violation of his right to free speech.

The Debate

1. "I can't believe we're even debating this," says Billy-Bob McGuffin, who was present at the infamous speech. "Doesn't it worry you that a man, who would obviously be happier if we all died horrible, painful deaths, is allowed to walk around in public? Let him continue and he'll cause a riot! Free speech is supposed to protect people! But talking about genocide and killing, well... that doesn't help anyone. It breaks society. It drives us apart. Hate speech is a very serious crime, Leader. You can't just ignore it."


2. "Words by themselves can't hurt anyone," counters Johann Utopia, a free speech advocate. "We don't need to be 'protected' from hearing different opinions for goodness' sake! Oh, what a boring place the world would be if we all had the same thoughts! You can't punish people for disagreeing with you! That's crazy! I hate my mother-in-law, but if I told her so and she then tried to stab me with a kitchen knife then the problem is obviously hers - not mine."


3. "I agree to an extent," ventures Hack Christmas, your Minister of Domestic Security. "But insulting one person is not the same as insulting an entire social grouping. The wrong word in the wrong place and you WILL have violence on the streets: that's the reality we live in, whether you like it or not. If we want to make any real difference then we need to nudge cultural values in the right direction with government awareness programmes and the like. Educate the masses! Laying down a reactionary law will just fuel resentment in the long run."

The government is promoting multicultural values with the new 'Just Be Nice, OK?' initiative.

The Issue

All of Aerinon has been in an uproar since yesterday when a car exploded in the middle of the capital city, killing dozens and injuring hundreds. This terrorist act was traced back to a violent minority group known as the Lilliputian Freedom Fighters. A group allegedly supported by an unfriendly regime, despising Aerinon for its heathenish ways and political bent, but more particularly for supporting the recent occupation of their homeland by an ally.

The Debate

1. "They simply crossed the line!" shouts General Pip Thiesen. "Far too long have we tolerated these terrorist threats, it's time that they realise they can't mess with us. Send the order to prepare an invasion, and we will show them who is boss! Our brave soldiers are prepared to die for their country, all we need is your signature and a lot of money. But what is the cost of freedom and safety for Aerinon's peoples?"

2. "Attacking another country isn't the answer," says Tobias Christmas, director of the Aerinon Intelligence Agency. "The problem doesn't lie abroad, but within Aerinon itself! We should have more freedom to do our work. Protecting our nation from these cowardly scaremongerers would be much easier if we had an inherent right to tap phones and other communications, get search warrants whenever we need, and detain suspects indefinitely. Remember, to prevent is better than to cure."

3. "No, that's what those terrorists want us to do!" speculates chairman Beth Jong-Il of the Patriots' Tea and Biscuits Club. "We don't want to give the Agency any more responsibility, they're the ones who messed up in the first place. What we need is to purge Aerinon of these rats who don't respect the laws and traditions of our way of life. We know who they are and where they come from, so the solution is obvious: we just won't let those sorts of people cross our borders and kick out those who are already here. It might seem a bit harsh, but hey, we were here first. Long live Aerinon!"

4. "I think it's clear to anyone with half a brain in their head that this will just not work," says Chastity Hanover, a noted professor of social studies. "The people who perpetrate these terrible crimes do so because they feel they have no other recourse to demonstrate their political opinions. They'll do anything and I'm sure they're not above hiring mercenaries. You must understand why terrorists act as they do and fix it! What we should do is to reach out to the ethnic and religious minorities and seek common ground! Negotiation is the key! Violence solves nothing."

5. "We spit on Aerinon!" expectorates Elizabeth Hanover, leader of the Lilliputian Freedom Fighters. "You disrespect our people and our country and everything we are! You spread your sickening influence where it is not wanted! You must change your ways and cease to oppose us or else there will be more bloodshed. You have been warned!"

6. "Is terrorism such a terrible thing? Really?" asks Jazz Clinton, avant garde journalist, discreetly sliding a pipe bomb under your desk. "These people are simply expressing their political opinion the best way they know how. I think we should legalise terrorism as a legitimate form of political commentary. It'll certainly get people interested, don't you think?"

The Issue
Secularists have been urging for the government to impose an income tax on religious organizations in Corrian for some time now, and the issue has finally made it's way to the upper levels of the government.

The Debate

1. Self-appointed civil rights spokesman Zeke Spirit declares, "Churches are business organizations with a large income. It's unfair that they don't have to pay the same taxes that everyone else does. If they really do spend on any money on charity, let them write it off as a deduction just like corporations do. There's no reason that so-called clergy should be chauffeured around in limos tax-free, when we desperately need funds for public works."

2. "Freedom of conscience is foremost among liberties," says Reverend Alexei Chicago. "Churches have been exempted from taxation because it is wrong for the government to infringe on the right of people to worship as they please, and that includes charging them for the right to worship. Besides, churches are non-profit organizations that put all their funds back into the community."

3. The Honorable Dave Licorish, Minister of Minding Other People's Business, has an idea: "This religion thing is such a great racket, why don't we make it a government monopoly? We'll ban all religions except the Church of Corrian, and make attendance and donations compulsory. I'll start writing the Holy Scriptures right away!"

televangelists flaunt their expensive cars when they attend charity events.







[b]

The Issue
Members of a new weird religious cult, called the Order of Violet, ask for the government to appease their mighty god by offering Her a sacrifice of the human variety.

The Debate

1. "What have we got to lose?" says religious freedoms advocate Samuel Rubin. "Just cut up a few homeless folk - it appeases this group's bloodthirsty Goddess, gets rid of unsightly bums that drain welfare, and everybody goes home happy."

2. "We must go much further than a few beggars!" argues the overzealous High Member of the Order of Violet, Violet Winters. "You must pass a law that everyone's first born child must be slaughtered, on live TV if possible. Think of the viewing figures!"

3. "You aren't going to listen to these whackjob Violetists, are you?" comments Max Winters while leading a prayer group. "Human sacrifices! Surely we're too civilized to permit such barbaric practices! These lunatic fringe groups should be outlawed, and their leaders should be executed!"

4. "Who's being a lunatic?" retorts Chastity Longfellow of the Corrian Humanitarian Society. "I agree that these practices ought to be outlawed, but instead of sinking to the same level of these fanatics and killing our fellow people, why not simply start a re-education program? Even the worst person can be rehabilitated into a useful member of society, with enough time, care, and lots and lots of funding!"

The government pours millions of Corras into rehabilitation programs annually.

The Issue
After the tabloid magazine "The Bun" outed a supermodel to have been born male, the state has anulled her marriage to her husband.

The Debate
1. "I have gone through twenty years of internal pain about my external appearance and I put so much effort and money into finally having the world see the real me!" says transsexual activist Dave Nagasawa. "The government needs to recognize my true gender as well as cover the surgeries and medicines needed to get me where I am today!"

2. "Transsexuals are delusional if they think they will ever be members of their gender they wish they were." says right-wing radio show host Roxanne Clinton. "It is a biological fact that our gender is determined by our chromosomes, anyone who tries to act like the gender they are not should be immediately arrested and taken to a psychiatrist!"

3. "You know everyone, gender isn't a black and white proposition," states self-identified "genderqueer" Pip Wall. "There are XX males, XY females, and many people who have ambigious sexual characteristics or just don't feel they belong in categories such as male or female. The government must recognize our existence!"

People are now classified as male, female, or genderqueer.

(My crazy nations issue)

The Issue
More and more, citizens are drinking before getting behind the wheel. A group of concerned citzens wants something done.

The Debate

1. Naki Clinton, head of CrazyPsychoManiacs's chapter of Alcoholics Anonymous, says that drunk drivers need help. "Alcoholism is a nasty thing, a disease. The government has to help these poor souls to avoid the temptations of liquor, and wine, and beer, and hard cider, and brandy, and?" His eyes get a glazed far off look, "Where was I? Oh right, we have to help these people, not imprison them."

2. "That's lovely," says Pip Spirit, a noted anti-alcohol advocate, "In a perfect world where rehab fixes everything. But this is the real world, and it doesn't bring back the victims. Drunk drivers kill people every day. If they take other's lives, the government must take theirs!"

3. "All of those plans attack the symptoms, not the disease," says Minister of Transportation Samuel Gutenberg, "Alcohol is a curse, a poison sent by the Devil to tempt mankind. We cannot trust people to make decisions for themselves. The only answer is prohibition. Ban alcohol completely."

Drunk drivers are sentenced to death.

(crazy nations issue)

The Issue

A newspaper article revealed that patients are waiting months for the most urgent operations. Hospitals have blamed it on a lack of qualified doctors and nurses.

The Debate

1. "The problem is that there just aren't enough incentives to enter the medical profession," says Doctor Miranda McGuffin. "We need to advertise government grants for medical students, give more funding to educational centres of medicine. If you don't act quickly then CrazyPsychoManiacs will have a full-blown healthcare crisis!"

2. "Nah, it's just that we don't have the numbers of graduates or young doctors needed to fill the gap before we have a 'crisis'," says Roger Silk, leafing through pages of statistics. "The best solution is to recruit doctors from abroad. If we snag 'em from the poorer countries then we won't have to spend half as much as grants would cost us."

3. "Or we could NOT waste money on bringing foreigners into the country," grumbles Jack Gutenberg, a wealthy businessman. "And giving money to the students? How many of them do you think will stay the whole course, hmm? How many Bloodmoneys are we going to burn on this? Our healthcare system is great, there are thousands upon thousands of nations that would give their right province for what we have. I think we can afford to let go of some of that funding and give the good people of CrazyPsychoManiacs a tax break, don't you?"

Healthcare funding has been cut.

The Issue
A furious debate over eminent domain, or compulsory purchase, the government's right to take a citizen's private property without permission, has erupted after the government evicted hundreds of people from their homes to make way for a new shopping complex and a bypass.

The Debate

1. "Eminent Domain? More like outright theft!" cries Beth Broadside, whose house was bulldozed. "They took away my home! I have to move everything in my life somewhere else because of the whims of some fruitcake city planner? It's lunacy! This blatant power abuse mustn't be allowed to continue. The government should require explicit permission before taking private property!"

2. "You can't be serious," objects Steffan Chicago, a city planner. "You've got to have bypasses. Eminent domain's essential! Without it we'd actually have to pay for the property we were steali- ah- expropriating and that would mean lots of boring paperwork and be much more expensive. If we really need to build something, say a bypass to ease congestion, do you really want that to be stopped because one person says no? We need eminent domain to let Corrian make progress. In fact we could cut costs even more if we didn't have to pay compensation..."

3. "I do believe we should retain our right to eminent domain," says Anne-Marie Johnson, your Minister of Miscellaneous Amenities. "But to use it for private industry is just immoral and corrupting. We really ought to only use eminent domain for the purpose of building public utilities like hospitals, schools, and carparks."

Eminent domain has been abolished.

The Issue
A group protesting against the Corrian government began a riot yesterday which resulted in the death of Mr. Benson, a police officer.

The Debate

1. "This is an outrage!" cries Police Chief Pete Steele. "The people of Corrian just don't know how good they have it! Our nation is a gem compared to many others, but if you give an inch they will take a mile. I had to tell officer Benson's wife yesterday that their child will grow up without a father. Do I think public protests should be outlawed? You're damn right I do."

2. "It all happened so fast," says Faith Christmas, one of the protesters. "The crowd was just chanting, you know... and then they tear gassed us. I saw one cop, this Mr. Benson, club a teenager right in the face! For what? Speaking his mind! That's when the crowd rushed him. I'm sorry he's dead, but the police think they have a right to do whatever they want - things get out of hand sometimes. I think the police department should keep out of the way when we're protesting - even if things do get... excited."

3. "It's because protests get out of hand sometimes that we need a police presence," argues PC Sue-Ann Barry eventually after singing the national anthem to you. "Even violent protestors have a right to feel safe on the streets. If that means we have to die to protect the innocent, then that means we have to die. I think protests should be restricted to a designated area where police can keep an eye on the protestors. Then everything can go nice and smoothly and no one will have to worry about being beaten to death."

Protests are legal but strictly supervised.

The Issue
The recent popularity of a science-fiction TV show has prompted calls for Corrian to develop its own space program.

The Debate

1. "Don't tell me space colonies wouldn't be cool," says excited fifth-grade teacher Akira Hamilton, still wearing big Spock ears from his last convention. "Think of how they would galvanize the national population! And there would also be some kind of scientific benefit, probably."

2. "The project certainly is feasible, but very expensive," says Corrian Space Agency Head Tobias Longbottom. "We could make it less of a burden on the taxpayers if we sought funding from private industry -- advertisements on the side of our rockets, selling contracts to the Arms Manufacturing industry, that kind of thing."

3. "If God had meant Man to fly, he would have given us solid rocket boosters instead of legs," says religious type Jennifer Wong. "We should not be looking to the stars, but rather inside our own hearts. That's why we should abandon this so-called space program, and instead make the teaching of religion mandatory in all schools."

Billions of Corras are being poured into a space program.

The Issue
Recently, medical insurance premiums across the nation have been skyrocketing following several highly-publicised medical-malpractice lawsuits, making it even costlier than ever to get treatment. Doctors are asking the government to step in.

The Debate

1. "These lawsuits are driving up the price of medical insurance," complains Dr. May Jones. "I'm losing customers - patients, I mean - and it's becoming increasingly difficult for doctors like me to do our jobs without worrying about being bankrupted by some kid who didn't like the hospital food. Everyone makes mistakes. Look at politicians, they make them all the time and do they get fired? No. We must outlaw the medical-malpractice lawsuits undermining our healthcare system!"

2. "All that these doctors are interested in is saving their own necks," says May Wong, CEO of 'I Can't Believe It's A Law Firm!'. "They were negligent in the course of their work and are unwilling to pay the price. I mean, how do you perform a heart transplant on the wrong guy unless you're not paying attention? I for one think that our citizens deserve better from the healthcare service, and if doctors cause damage, they should pay for it. It's that simple. If some decent doctors get caught up in it, then it's surely their own fault for not being careful enough?"


3. "The problem is capitalism," insists Pip Dodinas, while trying to burn a Corra with a lighter. "The doctors are only trying to help their patients, and those class traitors at the insurance industry are only trying to make a profit out of people's misery on those rare occasions when things go wrong. I say we outlaw the insurance industry and then the good doctors will be safe while the bad ones go out of business. Everyone wins! Apart from the insurance people, I guess."

4. "The problem certainly is capitalism," says Akira McGuffin, a famed socialist. "But outlawing the insurance industry will not solve the main problem: the healthcare system itself! It's disgusting! I've seen paramedics check wallets before injuries! We must introduce a national health service and put some healthy investment into medical colleges, hospitals, and the likes. Then we'll have an over-abundance of competent doctors! The insurance industry won't be able to raise a finger to it and the citizens won't have to pay for treatment. Except through tax, of course."

The study of medicine is popular throughout Corrian.

The Issue
Thousands of migrant citizens and expatriated citizens of Corrian have asked the government to take them home from Marche Noir, a faraway country on the brink of a terrible and violent civil war.

The Debate

1. "We must co-ordinate with the government of Marche Noir in order to secure our absentee voters- ahem- citizens who are in their country," says Pete Mistletoe, your Minister of Foreign Affairs. "We must also create an emergency fund to assist our expats and help bring them back to Corrian. No matter where any of our people are, they're still ours and our responsibility."

2. "That's rubbish," objects Falala Thiesen, your Minister of Finance. "Why waste hundreds of thousands of Corras in bringing those expatriated citizens back to Corrian? They chose to leave our great country; they are no longer our concern! They could have stayed here and been an asset to our workforce! Helped us grow strong! No, they've had their chance. You reap what you sow. We should cut any financial assistance we give to those traitors."


3. "That's a good point," says Fleur Summers, your Minister of Civics. "Our people are the generators of the economy. The expats should be allowed to come back, but only if they stay. If we keep letting our citizens emigrate, then we're losing our doctors, our teachers, our skilled and unskilled workforce to damn foreigners! Close the borders to those wanting to leave our nation. If they can't see how wonderful Corrian is then we'll make them!"

The nation has welcomed its expats back with open arms.

The Issue
The 'Underground Element', a newly formed resistance force to the governing party in CrazyPsychoManiacs, has begun broadcasting anti-government messages over a network of public radio stations.

The Debate

1. "These rebels are harmless," says Aaron Longfellow, political commentator. "In the interests of free speech and democracy, we should allow them to broadcast their messages. There's nothing wrong with a little criticism of the government - indeed, it could do with some more incentive to perform well."

2. It'd be one thing if it was genuinely insightful criticism," says Peggy Fellow, your personal advisor. "But this is a disgrace! It's simply fear-mongering and government-bashing. We should shut down these punks before they fill our citizens' heads full of mistruths. And while we're at it, there are a few other radio stations that need to smarten up their attitude to the government, too.

3. "Now now, let's be reasonable about this," muses Elizabeth Wong, radio chatshow host. "The government should think very carefully before it gets into the business of telling people what they can and can't say on the air. The solution here is not to ban criticism, but to price radio station licenses at an appropriate level - that is, higher than a rabble of unshaven hippies can afford."

A spate of enforced closures has left 'Government FM' as the nation's only radio station.

The Issue
After a sixty year old man with psoriasis streaked past cameras and millions of sports fans during the snooker league playoffs, protesters have called for tougher action.

The Debate

1. "This can't go on!" says traumatized snooker player Jennifer Steele, "Children are watching sports and having them exposed to this lewd behaviour is unacceptable! I demand that these people be locked up for several years and maybe they'll have learnt their lesson!"

2. "Oh don't be ridiculous!" scoffs prolific streaker Freddy Barry, "It's all just a bit of fun and the kids shouldn't be wrapped in cotton wool, or they'll learn nothing! Sports are so dull anyway, it needs a little bare skin to liven it up. Streaking should be legal!"

Streakers swamp all public events in order to bare it all.

The Issue
After a recent national survey revealed that almost three-quarters of the population only know the primary language of CrazyPsychoManiacs, there have been rising calls for the government to take action.

The Debate

1. "Fluency in foreign languages is imperative to education," says Professor Peggy Christmas of CrazyPsychoManiacs University. "Learning a new tongue not only gives a child a practical, marketable skill, but also encourages compassion and understanding of foreign cultures. With so many nations in the world, I do insist that we increase government funding in these areas and make it a compulsory part of the curriculum. As we say in Ancient Maxtopian: froggug sederty bungo-bungo!"

2. "To be frank, the need for outsiders' speak doesn't appeal to me in the slightest!" claims Violet Johnson, a fierce patriot. "Making our children learn these languages is an affront to the basic civil rights of CrazyPsychoManiacs! What's more, this will encourage those damn foreigners to come here and take our jobs! I for one, will not stand for it! We can drop that area of education; it'll give us tax payers a bit of a breather for once. I've always said that we don't need any others but our own!"

Foreigners are treated with great suspicion.

The Issue
Certain shadowy ministerial figures have proposed government monitoring of individual internet usage.

The Debate
1. "In these days of terror and uncertainty, it's exactly what we need," says Sue-Ann Shiomi, signing an arrest warrant. "Every pervert, terrorist, bomb-building maniac and anti-government idiot is currently online. I'm not saying that we should block citizens from seeing it, but let's also watch who's seeking it out. This will give our law enforcement officers the chance to prevent crimes before they happen. If you've done nothing wrong, you've got nothing to hide."

2. "Well, I AM saying we should block out that filth," says a man in a dark hat, stepping from the shadows. "If people want to use the internet, they can view our government-approved sites. Those are swell."

3. Privacy activist Colin Washington is outraged, as usual. "Tyranny is the natural result of limiting information! Someone, somewhere, will always find something offensive -- mimes for example. Those scare the hell out of me. But should we ban them? No! Free the internet! We have nothing to fear from free information but pop-up advertising!"

The country has unplugged its internet connection to prevent subversive content.

The Issue
A group of holidaymakers from CrazyPsychoManiacs have been arrested while visiting the scenic, yet corrupt and totalitarian, nation of Maxtopia on charges of drug trafficking - an offence which carries the maximum sentence of the death penalty. The story has provoked outrage from citizens, many believing the government should intervene to bring the tourists back home.

The Debate

1. "Everyone knows what barbarians those Maxtopians are!" says Fleur Barry, parent to one of the arrestees. "They've not even allowed my son and his friends access to lawyers! That government is as corrupt as they are cruel, my boy would never have anything to do with drugs! You need to do something to save them, I'm begging you! I'm sure the Maxtopian officials will back down if you threaten trade sanctions or something. Right?"

2. "You've got to see it from the other side," argues Freddy Trax, a customs official. "While it's unfortunate that the sentence is so stiff, they really shouldn't have been smuggling drugs. I'm sure we wouldn't be happy if Maxtopians came over here with banned goods. I just can't sympathise: they were greedy, they broke the law, they got caught. What makes them so special that they should be bailed out? At the taxpayers' expense I might add. Let them be - it'll show we respect the judicial rights of other countries."

3. "I agree," chimes in Fleur Chicago, an anti-drug campaigner, waving a banner which reads 'Don't Be a Fool, Drugs Aren't Cool'. "Did you ever stop to think that our foreign neighbours might have the right idea? A zero-tolerance attitude to the drugs issue is what this country needs! Death to the dealers!"

4. "You people are so quick to lay the finger of blame," says May Longbottom, an ambassador at CrazyPsychoManiacs's embassy in Maxtopia. "My motto has always been 'If you want something, give something away'. It is the government's duty to protect its citizens from harm! We don't want to cause too much international friction by making a mockery of their laws so we've got to settle things more diplomatically: they scratch our backs now and we'll scratch theirs later."

5. "That's what they want! Leverage!" hollers Johann Spirit, your Minister of Defence, storming into your office. "Advances in our markets, political favours - they'll do anything to undermine us! They've always hated us, those rats! If you ask me, this brouhaha isn't about drugs - it's a spit in our eye, that's what it is! What kind of people execute kids for having a few ounces on them? We ought to give them a good bombing, then they'll know how a proper country behaves!"

Government is well known for declaring war on other countries for suspected slights.

The Issue
CrazyPsychoManiacs has been hit with the worst drought in a hundred years; as a result thirsty citizens and a growing number of brown lawns are pleading for a government response.

The Debate

1. "We have no choice but to ration water," says Violet Wu, Chief of the CrazyPsychoManiacs City Department of Public Works. "We can't afford to let what little water we have slip through our fingers. We must clamp down on how much water each person is allowed to use. If our more wasteful citizens complain because they'll have to actually think about how much water they pour down the drain, all the better for the rest of us."

2. "You think too small," sighs Foreign Secretary Thomas Utopia, between sips from a sparkling bottle of gourmet dihydrogen monoxide. "CrazyPsychoManiacs may be short on water, but the rest of The East Pacific has water to spare! Why not just import the water from abroad? Sure, it'll cost money, but what's worth more to the people of CrazyPsychoManiacs, a little tax money or their most basic physical needs? Our neighbors wouldn't dream of cutting off the water, right?"

3. "This drought is a warning sign sent by our Creator!" shouts a strangely familiar-looking man who has just walked in from the desert clad in camel hair and sandals. "If this nation will only turn from its wicked ways and hearken unto our God, surely He shall grace us with water once more!"

Newly-famous raindances to summon storms instead attract tourists from all over The East Pacific.

The Issue
The commercial release of the controversial children's book 'Heather Has Two Mommies' in Corrian has sparked debate over laws concerning the adoption of children by homosexual couples.

The Debate

1. "I cannot understand for the life of me why anyone could possibly be against this," complains Jacob Kantelberg, showing up at your office wearing a pink feather boa. "Bart and I are good and caring people and will make excellent fathers, so what's the problem? All of the scientific studies have shown that there's no difference in the wellbeing of children raised by gay and straight couples. All that's holding these little darlings back from the happy family life that they deserve is the outdated prejudices of some prudes. All we want is to adopt a child to call our own. It'll be fabulous!"

2. "I don't care what these so-called scientific studies say," says Jean-Paul Fellow, representing a number of conservative religious organisations. "How can a boy hope to develop properly into a man if he's being brought up by poofs? A father figure is not supposed to behave as if it is 'okay' to be, um, romantically invested in another man - and the same goes for lesbians! Why? Because it is not okay. It'll just give them gay! Think about it: say you have two gay Deers - they can't have children because nature did not provide them with the tools and if God wanted gays to have kids then they would have those tools. Don't legalise this blasphemy! Think of the children!"

3. "This just doesn't go far enough in my opinion," grumbles Freddy Rifkin an ardent opponent to homosexuality. "The more concessions we give these people, the more they'll reduce our nation to the most embarrassing gayfest of all the region! We'll be a joke! Homosexuality is a sin, and not only that it's a disease of society and there's no two ways about it. It must be criminalised and those responsible hanged just like in the good old days."

An increasing percentage of the population's youth have homosexual parents.

The Issue
The Corrian Teachers' Union, complaining of a steady increase in student disciplinary problems, wants to be able to use corporal punishment to correct misbehavior.

The Debate

1. "Clearly, parents aren't teaching manners at home," says Stephanie Chicago, the union president. "All we want is to be able to take a paddle to their backsides when there are problems. It's not like we want to throw the kids in jail."

2. "Keep your hands off my kids!" shouts Buffy Silk, while protesting outside of union headquarters. "If there's a problem, it's with the teachers not having the skills to do their jobs. They should be tested for qualifications!"

3. "Corporal punishment would only treat a symptom of the bigger problem: our education system is in need of an overhaul," says Johann Jong-Il, Corrian's education minister. "We need smaller class sizes, more teachers, better buildings, and better pay. It'll cost, but it'll pay off in the long run."

4. "Why don't we just abolish the schools and home-school the kids?" asks Larry Clinton, education coordinator for the Corrian First Omnimenical Church. "That way parents can stress the values they want their kids to have and give them the attention they need."

All children are supposed to be schooled by their parents.

The Issue
In a display of unity that can best be described as "highly unnerving," criminals and law enforcement officials alike are up in arms about recent overcrowding within prisons in CrazyPsychoManiacs.

The Debate

1. "I tell ya, chief... this ain't good," mutters local police chief Chastity Chicago over his morning cup of coffee. "I see these no-good mohawk-wearin' punks every day, and they're a dangerous bunch. They gotta be locked in their mudholes forever! If we can't afford to keep 'em in prison, I say we need more money! Let's just casually shift some funding from elsewhere; after all, it ain't like our welfare program is helping keep these kids away from crime."

2. "How can these wayward individuals find their inner selves by staring at the walls within a stone cell?" challenges human rights activist and local prison license plate maker Steffan Fellow. "The nation's budget is absolute proof: we cannot afford prisons... strictly because of their immorality! Let these caged birds breathe the sweet air of freedom again! Shut down all prisons in CrazyPsychoManiacs!"

3. "Now hold on just a second here," says Beth Rubin, CEO of CrazyPsychoManiacs's most widely-known pizza delivery chain, Papa Pallocci's Pizza Pagoda. "You've got a problem with prisoners, and I've got a problem finding employees. Why don't you just send some of your criminals to Papa Pallocci's? We'll put 'em to work at lower pay as punishment for their crimes! I win, you win... the economy wins!"

All prisons have been eliminated.